I believe in community, in coming together as Christian woman to encourage each other on towards Christ. That is why this summer I have chosen five beautiful ladies to share with you from their heart. I have asked Raquel Duarte to join us today to talk to you single lady readers. Even if you are not single, maybe you know someone who is that you could direct to this post. Raquel can be found online at http://www.itsjustraquel.com/ her instagram is the same: @itsjustraquel. Enjoy her words of wisdom below and come back next Wednesday when I will be talking about our mindset as people who live abundantly!
This article isn’t some sort of quiz or step-by-step process to figure out if you have “what it takes” to be in a relationship. It’s an article to help figure out for yourself if you believe you are ready.
Since when is it hard to be loyal and committed? Since when does “being in love” mean just a phrase, not a deep soulful promise? Why even try to be in a relationship if you’re not ready or willing to commit to one person? Figure out what you want before you go around investing time, energy and emotions into relationship after relationship.
You want to meet someone, have deep conversations with them, hang out, feel a connection, see that they prove their loyalty, and if it leads to something more, that’s amazing.
I get that.
But if you’re still figuring your life out and trying to understand who you are as a person, then don’t mistake love for lust. No one is in a hurry, but almost everyone is looking for that special someone to spend the rest of their life with. You can so easily make them think you want more than you’re making apparent. That’s when it can get messy, and that isn’t fair for either of you.
Sure, there are instances when people misread your friendliness as interest. Or you really did like them, but after a few dates, you just don’t see it working out. That happens. And that’s okay. But learning the difference between being ready to pursue something or not will save you a lot of awkwardness and heartache.
I think that one of the greatest mistakes people make these days is thinking that “all it takes is to have a boyfriend/girlfriend”. “All it’ll take to make them happy will be to have a significant other”. “Being in a relationship will be the best thing that’s ever happened to them”.
And no matter if they verbally admit to this or not, more than half of my generation most likely believes this.
But the truth is, a relationship isn’t going to fix anything. It’s only going to make life harder. Relationships take work. Of course they’re not as difficult when both people know how to communicate and know how to deal with issues correctly and maturely, but that’s a skill that should be honed before committing to a relationship, you know?
All these “taking breaks from him/her” isn’t how relationships should work. If a few months into dating, you “need a break” from them, it’s usually you that’s the problem. If you truly care for someone, you deal with your crap before you even start a relationship. And if you actually end up marrying that person, you won’t be able to “take breaks”. So learn now, okay?
I’m not saying that you have to have your life altogether before even considering dating someone. You’ll never have it altogether. That’s part of being a human. You’re always going to be working at improving yourself and the environment around you – even while you’re dating, even when you’re married. But do you think it’s fair to someone for them to be dating an individual who doesn’t know what they want in life, doesn’t know who they are, doesn’t have goals, doesn’t know how to handle conflict, doesn’t know how to trust someone because they have huge trust issues in their past, etc.?
I’ll answer for you.
No, it’s not.
So the next question to ask yourself is – are you ready to be in a relationship?
And I’ll let you answer that one.
Raquel is an Oregon human, residing just outside the crazy city of Portland where she works at Dutch Bros by day, and a writer by night. She is full of Jesus and sass and you can oftentimes find her making music, going on hikes, or drinking matcha tea.